I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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