Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
