and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
