I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
