the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
do nipples grow back?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
