Moan for me like Helen Keller
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
