Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
