The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
