I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
