Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just puked most of my soul out..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
