i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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