he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
