i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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