Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
