as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
