you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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