dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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