haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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