Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
