My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How's work?
Spinning.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
