Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
50% drunk capacity currently
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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