Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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