did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize