I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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