"it" just moved
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
