Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
