just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
