1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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