Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
