I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
