evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
