Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
