i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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