...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
