I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
