Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize