Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
