If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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