Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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