I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
