I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
