I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have fence marks all over my body
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
