I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
