I love black thongs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
