just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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