I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
