Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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