A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
someone threw a dead crab at me
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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