True but thats because hes a fetus.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
