So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize