Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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