Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
