I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
