halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
