All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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