Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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