is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Small penises have feelings too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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