The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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