what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i barfeds in our rink
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
