Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
