the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
