HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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