She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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