wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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