I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
