The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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