I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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