So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
