just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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