Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
