That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Randomize