this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
