I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
