remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
