Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
