You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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