just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
