respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
