idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
