I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
