Are we in a gay sports bar?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
