the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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