You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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