i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
