he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize