Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Randomize
