i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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