Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
