Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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