i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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