You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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